My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
