Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
