Soap is not a condiment
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
