It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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