he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
