I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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