tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
