I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
