she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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