I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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