3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
