Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
