I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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