I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
