peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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