I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
