i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
