Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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