im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
