He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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