I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
