Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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