I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
