She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
