I wish I could punch you in the face.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
