i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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