Joe is yelling at the trees again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
3pm strippers are depressing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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