Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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