I think im going to throw up on grandma
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
