Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
