We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
