You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
