the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
