You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
