the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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