I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
