i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
