he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need to sanitize my soul.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
