I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
