guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
