You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
