I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
