He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
