it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
