JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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