Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
