Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
