I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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