so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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