Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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