I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
