apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
